somewhat of what it will be like when I clean out my husbands things. Late yesterday afternoon, I decided to look for a drawer my landlord was inquiring about that he needed to fix. I had told him a little while ago that the drawer was in the garage, and I would look through my husbands things and find it.
Well, all I did was move things around, and it hit me, I was looking through my husbands things and I started to cry. I was glad my kids weren’t there to see me, but I cried and asked my husband where this drawer was (which I did receive and answer for – my landlord has it, and he seems to have forgotten he does) and I also told my husband that we never discussed what was to be done with his tools, etc should something happen to him.
It’s 7 months this month, and all his clothes are still hanging up, his clothes are still in his dresser drawers, with the exception of some of his t-shirts that my daughter likes to wear, and the bag that I got from this hospital is still where I put it, nearly 7 months ago. To clean out his things is going to be extremely hard, I can see that already. I know it is just something I have to do. Today, my neighbor is going to come over and take down some boxes off a shelf in the garage. I am not fond of heights and ladders and she is fine with both, so she said she would help. I don’t think going through those boxes will affect me like the other stuff. The boxes have been ‘stored’ since we moved in this house, in 2002. Depending on the contents, I have a couple different options as to what to do with the stuff.
June 1st, my son had a break down. He was practicing the song, “Proud to be an American” by Lee Greenwood, for his program later this week at school, and after the song, he just sat on his knees, put his hands to his eyes and burst into tears. He was shaking terribly and I just held him and told him it was ok. He kept saying, “When we would go to sleep at night, daddy would always say he would never leave me” I tried to explain to him that while his daddy wasn’t here physically, he would always be in his heart, and with him always that way. It seemed to have brought some comfort to him. After his breakdown, I went to my room and had my own. Thank GOD one of my earth angels was available, and we talked for several hours.
On June 2nd, I had another dream that my husband was alive, and I think it was his and God’s way of letting me know that my husband is fine, and I need to be fine, and that while my husband isn’t here physically with me, he is here in Spirit with me and my kids, always.