Visitation, What?

In a letter dated 5/22/95, the ex wrote to Keith, that she “has the right to authorize visitation as I see fit…the divorce papers…say that visitation is up to me. If you disagree let’s go back to court, or better yet, lets finish the papers I had completed before I moved. In these papers it was shown to have exact visitation days along with the kids schedule guaranteed visitation. You never agreed to that. You never agreed to an increase in child support either. These were your choices. MY CHOICE TO MOVE WAS TO IMPROVE THEIR LIFE. Your opinion to make me look like I have denied any visitation is very wrong. Once again, lets change the papers, confirm visitation days and increase monthly support. Please let me know if and when your ready to do so…”

According to Keith, his ex was apparently agreeable to the visitation she outlined in 1993, which was as follows:

In her declaration- the ex specifically spoke of an increase in child support, accused Keith of not carrying insurance on the kids, so she wants that as an order, she wants him to pay 1/2 of uncovered medical since she has been doing it “all on her own” and she wanted attorneys fees and for him to pay or contribute to child care.

Now Keith requested (In Pro Per):

a. All of summer vacation (8 weeks) uninterrupted. He states the reason for the uninterrupted is that his ex called at least 4 times a day to speak with the kids and it drastically ruined his time with his kids. He said he would allow the kids to call, when they ask him to or in case of an emergency.

b. Christmas vacation from the day after school lets out to the day before school resumes.

c. Spring/Break from the day school lets out to the day before school resumes. (Times to be determined in conjunction with the time of the flights available.)

d. that he be permitted to visit with the kids in WA in the event he is able to take a long weekend, upon giving the ex 72 hours notice. Said visit shall take place in WA and that he will be ordered not to remove the kids from that county without written consent.

e. that he be allowed to telephone his kids on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays at a specified time and that said telephone contacts are to be unmonitored and uninterrupted.

f. Thanksgiving Day and weekend. (this was scratched out)

g. that he gets to talk with his kids on his birthday and on Father’s Day, if the kids are not in his custody.

h. He agrees to the guideline support, subject to the following considerations.

i. EX moved out of the State of CA causing a great hardship and expense for him. That the ex contribute a portion of all transportation costs and that he be credited for all costs incurred to enable his kids to visit him here in CA.

j. His reference to Child care costs, that he has the kids during the summer therefore the ex has no need for day care costs during the summer.

In his declaration, Keith wrote:

“a. Petitioner moved out of the State without my permission.

b. Any visits that I have had in the past have been by the sole discretion of petitioner only.

c. Petitioner arranges and tells me when I am going to see my children. She dictates all visits that apply to her only. I do not think this is what the court meant when they said reasonable.

He stated that he agrees to pay reasonable child support with the following consideration:

a. his income has not increased significantly as she mentioned.

b. She wants the kids to meet her lifestyle, not the children’s, i.e. boat, car.

c. He doesn’t earn the dollar per hour amount or monthly amount she suggested.

4. He is agreeable to contributing to day care costs, but he’s willing to have the kids during the summer which will eliminate her need for summer day care costs.

5. He has and as long as medical coverage has been available maintained his kids on medical coverage.

6. He’s agreeable to pay for any medical not covered by either of their insurance. Upon presentation of the bill, he will reimburse her. For any extraordinary dental or medical expenses, that he be sent a letter from the doctor recommending said services and have a option to get a second opinion.

7. Ex earns so much a month, gross and her husband earns so much a month for a combined total of a heft amount. If She can afford a boat that costs $13,000, she must have the financial resources to pay her own attorney fees and costs.

When the ex’s attorney advised her of Keith’s wants, she said, “Unreasonable- there’s nothing to discuss until after court” thus refusing to enter into a parenting plan.

2nd Letter to Kids

On 11/9/95, I wrote another letter to the kids, but I didn’t send it until today. Keith addressed the envelope. In this letter I asked the kids how their Halloween was and asked if they got a lot of candy. I told the kids that Sarah dressed up as a bunny but I wasn’t able to take her out because we had all been sick and it was just too cold. Sarah dressed up and hopped around the house anyway. I told the kids as soon as get pics developed, I’ll send them a few.

I also let the kids know that we had gotten the pics they sent and they were beautiful. I told them I put the pics in frames and put them on the wall in our room and the little pics were put in their Dad’s wallet. N had worn the shirt we bought him at Christmas and looked very handsome and L looked very pretty. I told them we had also gotten their progress reports and was glad to see them both doing well in school and to keep up the good work, and to actually keep up the GREAT work!

I wrote that we were all doing fine here, that the owner of the house we lived in was having some work done and had to have the driveway dug up, so there were piles of sand in the yard and Sarah was having a blast playing in it, throwing it and sliding down it. She laughed herself silly when I would push her in the sand, she had so much fun.

I told the kids were finally over our colds thank goodness. Their dad was working real hard in the garage rearranging things and putting panels up on the wall to make it warmer in there.

I ended the letter by saying, “Anyway…I’d better close for now. We have to get up early and it’s already way past bedtime. I’ll write again soon and remember we miss you and love you both very, very much!! Dad xoxo Pat xoxo & Sarah xoxo”

November 1995

Keith spoke to his kids on November 2nd. He said the kids asked about Sarah and what she was for Halloween and to tell me hi.His ex dated a letter to him November 4th, and postmarked Nov. 6th.

In this letter she wrote how ridiculous it was for me to write the kids and send it certified, because she is unable to get to the post office as she works the same hours they do, and no one is ever home during the day to receive the certified letter.

She went on to tell Keith that the kids that they don’t want to hear from me, that they don’t want to call him and have to talk to me at all. She continued to say how she had to make their daughter call last time and how she was quite pleased that I didn’t talk to her. She told Keith to please keep the correspondence and phone calls between him and the kids only.

She also returned the letter I wrote the kids, dated 10-24-95. This tells me that they were not given the opportunity to read my letter because they asked about my daughter and Halloween while on the phone and I wrote about it in the letter I sent them.

Keith was served court papers, mid November. Ex wife#2 refused to discuss any visitation plan. All she wanted was more money. She was still livid from the incident of Summer.

According to her, she was keeping the kids, she was taking 2 weeks off from work and having out of town company coming in.

Still No Return Receipt

Called the local PO again and spoke to the same manager. He told me that the form 3811 was not in the notified certified file but would look in another file. Nothing.

Around 315pm, I got the mail and the Form 3811 arrived, round stamped Nov 1, 1995. So weird. Also, it was signed by my 8 yr old stepdaughter, and right next to it it had the ex’s signature.