💙 YEAH, BLUE!! 💙


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It was after Keith died that his ex accused him of abuse, saying she “divorced him for abuse.” She never said what kind, but I have no doubt it was a lie. If anyone abused anyone, she more than likely abused him, verbally, psychologically, emotionally.

I Believe This:

I’m fully vaccinated and had my booster…… No, I don’t know “what’s in it”. Neither this vaccine nor the ones I had as a child. Nor do I know what’s in the 11 secret herbs and spices at KFC.

I also don’t know exactly what’s in Ibuprofen or any other painkiller — they just treat my headaches & my pains.

I don’t know what’s in tattoo ink, botox and fillers, or every ingredient in my soap, shampoo or deodorants. I don’t know the long term effect of mobile phone use, or whether or not that restaurant I just ate at REALLY used clean foods and washed their hands. There’s a lot of things I don’t know.

I do know one thing: Life is short. Very short. And I, personally, still want to do things. I want to travel and hug people without fear, and find a little feeling of life “before”.
Throughout my life I’ve been vaccinated against many diseases: Measles, mumps, rubella, polio, chickenpox, hepatitis, influenza, tetanus. We trusted the science, and never had to suffer through or transmit any of those said diseases.

I’m vaccinated. Not because I’m a “sheep” or to “please the government”. Not to “make other people do it”. I’m vaccinated because I don’t want to:

  • die from Covid-19
  • clutter a hospital bed if I get sick
  • not be able to hug my loved ones
  • not be able to travel & enjoy events
  • live my life in fear
    I can’t say it any clearer. I’m vaccinated for me and I wear a mask for you.
    Copied & pasted. Feel free to do the same

Covid and Its Varients

To say I hate this shit and I’m damn tired of it being around and out of hand is an understatement!!

I’ve been tested so many times, thank GOD they’ve all been negative. Same for my son.

Tonight, my daughter feels sick, but she also has allergies and asthma, and I’m not if she’s nauseated due to post nasal drip, or what, or if she’s lost her sense of taste because her sinuses are AFU.

I’m taking tomorrow off to take her to her doctors to be tested. No pharmacy around here has any take home tests, nor do they have available appts. I called her ER and they told me not to bring her there if she thinks she has Covid, due to symptoms, but monitor her at home and take her to her docs in the morning to be tested.

This is all so asinine. We are all vaccinated. My son and I, while not experiencing any side effects with the first two vaccines, got our asses kicked when we got the booster, last week. OMG, Neither of us have ever felt that chilled to the bone before, we had never had the whole body ache the booster gave us and as for me, I don’t even know how I lasted all day at work. It was horrible.

I hope and pray my daughter doesn’t have Covid, but I am back to wearing my mask inside my house for the time being.

I hate this.


Saw this in FB- WIDOWHOOD

“Twenty things I wish I had known before I started dating after loss ~Michelle

1 – A new relationship won’t heal your grief or take away the pain; in many ways, it may confuse and accentuate your loss.

2 – It takes time to build a new relationship, so whatever you do, don’t compare what you had with what you are trying to develop.

3 – Sometimes, it may feel like you are cheating on your late spouse.

4 – You will FEEL everything in the new relationship much more intensely because of your past.

5 – You may guard your heart more than you should, thinking you can control future pain – spoiler alert, you can’t.

6 – You may sabotage your new relationship on a subconscious level to protect yourself. To avoid this takes work, personal awareness, and patience.

7 Love yourself first before you try to add anyone new to your life.

8 – If they don’t want you to say your late spouse’s name, they are probably insecure and unrealistic. Be with someone who can understand the importance of what came before and how it adds to what comes next.

9 – Nobody is getting out of your new relationship alive, be okay with another loss. I wouldn’t trade my previous life to save myself the pain of loss. The same goes for my life with Keith.

10: Some people are not emotionally secure enough to date a widow.

11: If pain isn’t processed and dealt with, it will return in your new relationships. Do the work to heal.

12: A new relationship can be phenomenal. You know so much more than before your loss.

13: Don’t change who you are to make anyone else happy.

14: Don’t compromise just because you are lonely. Be okay with being alone, loving yourself, and becoming the best version of yourself.

15: Know your purpose, passions, and principles, and date somebody who aligns with those things.

16: Blending a family is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, so don’t romanticize it and think it’s all “Brady Bunch” because it’s not. It’s hard work, emotionally draining, and kids are involved, so be prepared to get messy.

17: Understand that you will feel like you are living in parallel universes for some time. Eventually, things will shift, but it doesn’t happen overnight.

18: Remember all the essential lessons grief taught you; those lessons can pay huge dividends in a new relationship.

19: Get couples counseling.

20: Be here for it all. Don’t let your past pain stop you from having a great today and tomorrow. That doesn’t have to mean another person; just be present and willing to try.”

Michelle One Fit Widow

^Thought provoking, vital reality read for Widows/Widowers

lossofspouse #grief #widow #widower

Is It A Coincidence?

Here’s a “coincidental” thing for ya. I had gotten Starbucks gift cards for Christmas. As I was adding them to my app, the last one I did ended in 0127. So, Starbucks is out of Seattle, WA. Keith’s ex lives in WA, the last 4 of a number for her was 0127. WTH? Can’t escape them! LOL

About Grief… SO BEAUTIFUL!

Me: Hey God.

God: Hey John.

Me: Can you end my grief?

God: I could – but why?

Me: So I can stop being overwhelmed by my sadness.

God: There is something worse than grief.

Me: What’s that?

God: Feeling nothing. Let grief come. Let it stay as long as it needs to. Let it go. Let it come back. It’s all a process. It’s all a slow boil.

Me: So my grief will never end?

God: Not as long as you love the one who is gone. But that doesn’t mean that your grief won’t take 1000 different forms. Sometimes your grief will look like clouds in the sky or tears on your pillow or memories in your mind. Grief is formless. It will come and go like the tide. Don’t fight it. Don’t race through it. Don’t let other people tell you how to grieve. Your grief is your own. Honor your grief.

Me: How do I honor my grief?

God: Grab a pen and write down what I’m about to tell you.

when somebody else tries
to tell you how you should grieve

smile and forgive them
through your watering eyes

and then imagine
how lonely it must be
to be the person who
audits the tears
of other people

the well-intended
will tell you how
long you should miss
your beloved


you take your time

grief is a hedge maze
and being lost inside of it

is more than okay

don’t race through
your heartache

because you might
just miss a miracle
or two

in the teardrops rolling
down your face

don’t grieve quickly
just to make somebody
else feel better

if you need to,
let your grief
become a coral reef

let the algae of your hurt
slowly form over the years
into the softest violet hue of heaven

it can take two lifetimes to recover

when our beloved becomes
an empty chair

it’s okay

take as much time
as you need

your healing is your healing

and the scars of absence
will itch longer than you can imagine

but that is because you
risked to love so deeply

and that is far better than
the alternative

I am proud of you

and the courage it
takes for you to grieve
so fearlessly

don’t listen to those
who want you to go back
to normal

normal will never exist again
for those of us who have
lost a part of our heart

if the moon broke in half
would it feel normal?

to hell with normal

normal was their scent on your collar
normal was their voice resting in your ear
normal was their touch on your skin

you have a new normal

it’s looking at the shape of clouds
for messages from the great beyond
that your beloved is fine

you have a new normal

it’s building a cabin in
the woods of your memory
where you and your beloved
can meet for lunch

you have a new normal

it’s crying and laughing
at the same time
whenever their favorite
song plays on the radio

grief isn’t the enemy
of life

numbness is

don’t become numb to your suffering

welcome it in
and let it wrap you
up like a blanket

whenever it shows up
at your door

it’s okay

I swear

it’s okay

your beloved misses you just
as much as you miss them

and someday
you two will
get all tangled up
together again

you two will
push each on a
swing again under
a shower of falling blooms

and someday
you two will ride
comets together
on the edge of everything

and someday
you two will giggle
at all of the people
who tried to tell you

how to grieve

~ john roedel (johnroedel.com)