Month: July 2023

I’ve been up since 330am. Crazy. Sometimes people say the shittiest things to you with “reckless abandon” I guess would be the word. It has, once again, fucked me up, like when Keith’s ex posted on either mine (MSN SPACES) or a friends (LiveJournal) public message board accusing me of killing Keith.

I’m not elevating Anthony to Saint-hood. He had his faults, who doesn’t? He wasn’t a good father after I left, and blamed me for things gone wrong. I never accepted it. Anthony was a decent human being though. He did have a good heart, for the most part. He was mostly just a goofy person. He liked to laugh and have a good time. He loved his sisters and he loved his mom.

Sainthood? No, but the thing with me is I can remember the good times we had, and focus on them. I can look at the pics I have of him and a few of his family members with Sarah as a baby, and smile fondly. We had a child together, and while he wasn’t a good dad, he was a decent human being. His demons were strong, though he did fight them. I believe they may have had more to do with his sudden death than anything.

What I also don’t do is wish death on people, don’t accuse people of killing others, and I’m not happy someone died, whether I know them, personally or otherwise. Keith’s ex told me “I will be sure to piss on your grave when you die…” I will breathe a sigh, and say “she’s finally out of her mental and emotional pain” when she dies.

I wrote all this to say, DO BETTER,BE BETTER, BE KIND, THINK before you speak, or just don’t say anything. You don’t know how your words will impact someone who is hurting.

TTFN,

P~

For this beautiful gift you gave me. RIP. I’m glad you are no longer in pain, physically, mentally, emotionally.

Well, my daughters biological father died. I got word today. His sister called me. He died on Monday, 7/24/23. I’m shocked and saddened.

I’m sitting here thinking how Anthony was in Sarahs life from 0-7
months old. Then Keith raised Sarah from the time she was 10 months old until she was 12 years old, as his own, and caught a lot of shit for it from his ex wife #2. (That’s another story and I digress). Then of course, Kai stepped up.

I never spoke bad about Anthony to Sarah. There was no need to. Even though I had sole legal and sole physical custody of her, and he had no rights of visitation due to his issues, I always told him to let me know if and when he wanted to see her and I’d make arrangements, including a 3rd party. The offer was never taken. He didn’t want me or a third party present.

A few months after Keith died, I called Anthony and told him what happened and how it would be great and a perfect time for him to step up to the plate. He said ok, told me about his ex wife passing away, but again, nothing.

Sarah went with me to court so she could meet him at one point in time. He didn’t show up. She and I drove by his house in Lakewood because she was curious about him. She didn’t want to stop. I wasn’t going to force her.

I would send him pics of her every year, most of the time around her birthday. No response.

In Dec 2016 he sent me a text that said, “Patty you tell my daughter to contact me anytime I don’t need to speak to you to see her. Patty in the past you never let me see Sarah so I will talk to her but I have nothing to say to you I rest my case.”

She will be 30 this Tuesday and she never met him, though not because SHE didn’t try. This is not to bad mouth him either. He had his issues. His sister told me that over the last couple of years, he turned over a new leaf. I was happy for him. She also told me that he had told her he loved Sarah and hoped to have a relationship with her.

My daughter is sad that there is no longer an opportunity for her to meet him. That saddens me also. There’s no hard feelings, and she is not going to feel guilty about anything. There were never any cross words spoken between them. I would sign our names to a Christmas cards, I had always sent him job leads when I knew he was out of work, pics
Of Sarah, etc. I was also tough on him in the sense that while he thought he could just ignore his 3rd child, he had a responsibility to her. Hell, I even defended him to Keith’s ex, when she wrote bold face lies about him, but I digress. (It’s all on my blog anyway.)

I was also thinking how I have two kids with 2 biological fathers both who are now gone. That saddens me as well.

Since Sarah will be 30 on 8/1, here is the last pic I would have have sent him, via messenger, whether he saw it or not.

I really was always hopeful.

My goodness- first week of summer vacation went by fast! Granted, I spent a lot of time getting back to normal after not feeling good the weekend prior, AND I was able to spend time with my girl, having a couple mom and daughter times with her. My son had been doing his own thing, work, gaming, hanging with friends, and I’d see him when he’s taking a break from gaming or when I pick him up from work. I visited with Kai and helped him with some paper work he needed help with, I’ve been listening to podcasts by Mel Robbins, I read a book, albeit, an older one from Alex Baldwin about his divorce and the Parental Alienation he experienced, if you known me, you know that subject matter has always been close to my heart, and I’m about to start another one by Jay Shetty, “Think like a Monk.” Every other day or so, I tried to get outside and take care of my plants, they do need some TLC 💚, and do a little yard work, it’s just been too hot, and if you know me, again, you know I don’t heat well at all, LOL.

Anyway, while I feel I hadn’t done much except waste the time away, I’ve actually done more than I have myself credit for.

While I miss our students, I miss my co- workers and I look forward to getting back to work, I really do enjoy this off time. It’s good for my peace of mind and my soul.

Have a great Friday, everyone!

P~

My hematite ring broke today. It surprised me. Later on in the day, I went and bought another one from my FAVORITE place, https://www.mysticeyebotanica.com. I also got a gold magnetic hematite ring. I wear the black one on my left index finger and the gold one on my right ring finger, but for easier picture display, I put them both on the same hand.

It was really crazy because the whole time my daughter and I were in the store looking around, I had both rings on, no problem. When I purchased them and walked out, suddenly the gold one didn’t fit. I couldn’t believe it. I went back to see if I can possibly exchange it, showing the sales clerk that no matter what finger I put it on, it would fit. She too thought it was crazy because she saw me walking around with both of them on! She took out her ring sizing tool, thinking they may be different sizes, the one I bought and the one I was exchanging it, and lol and behold, they were the same size! I couldn’t make this up! She let me exchange it, no problem.

I also bought some new stones. Can’t have too many, right?! I’m trying to tell ya, this store, just like Barnes & Noble, should be illegal to me, LOL. ANYWAY…

I bought a Blue Bloodstone, a Blue Quartz and a Lapis Lazuli. I LOVE THEM!!!

I feel so much better, settled, and happy, and I just wanted to share with you.

Have a great evening, everyone!

TTFN,

P~