Author: Patricia

The birthday dinner I went to last was interesting.

One thing was that when the birthday girl gave her speech, she said, “there are 3 women here who have…” basically kept her on her toes and listed a few ways how.

There were 9 adults and 1 teenager there, 5 women, 1 female teenager and 4 men. 10 in total.

After nearly 18 years of being with the family, I was not one of the women. In nearly 18 yrs, I brought nothing, or added nothing to this woman’s life. Ok, cool. Then please, don’t pretend with me then. You don’t like me, don’t hug me, stop the fake pleasantries, all that bullshit.

Another weird thing, the birthday girls friend came up, gave my date a hug and said, “Hi Baby…” and gave me a hug. She then hugged another woman and that woman’s husband, and as she’s doing so, asks the woman, “you don’t mind if I hug your husband do you? I mean it’s not like I licked him or anything.” WTF? I don’t know how the woman felt but I was like, “WTF?”

My date said, “that’s her. She’s called me that before.” I said, “for as long as I’ve been with you, she’s never called you that. “ He then said, “that’s just her…”

Whatever.

This woman like to be the center of attention. Always making comments, snide and otherwise, but “that’s just her.” She’s loud, attention seeking. It’s always been a bit much to me but I always let it slide.

Whatever.

This woman and the birthday girl were talking about something last night between them, the woman kept saying, “oh, don’t make me say something, you’re gonna make me lose control of my mouth…” so I can just imagine.

Then comes time to pay the bill. there are 6 adults paying. My date always pays cash. We figured out our portion of the bill including our portion of tax and gratuity since it was already added to the bill. My date always adds more to the tip. The server did us good from the minute we got there, the first to arrive.

We should have just paid our portion and let the rest of them figure out what they owed after that, but nope. The server was forced to print out 6 checks which made everyone’s portion a bit more it seemed since everyone had to pay their own tip. The server said it was difficult to do it this way with such a large party because of the way the system was set up. A male guest pops off with, “oh come on, it’s not difficult. You work in customer service, I’m sure this is not the first time you’ve dealt with this….” I was just embarrassed. The son of the birthday girl took issue with the guests attitude and I don’t blame him. The son even said, “if I had been the one to say what he did, everyone would have come at me.”

The son was right, people would have come at him for saying something, had he been the one to. I understood what he was saying and I agreed with him. I also felt bad for him.

The male guest didn’t have to say anything to the server at all, including telling the server how long he himself has been in the customer service line of work.

Just such drama for no reason.

Last night, I was at a birthday dinner party for someone I know. I was on a date.

Another couple shows up and one of the other female guests said in a low tone how something that bugs the female guest is how the other female calls everyone “honey, sweetheart, baby” and it just bugs her, she hates it. She goes on to say, “and, no offense, it’s usually white women that use these words.”

I’m white. I was the only white female there. I’m European, (Basque and Native American). The rest of the party were African Americans.

When I went to look up her “it’s usually white women that use these words…” comment, I couldn’t find any hard evidence saying anything other than basically these are southern terms of endearment.

Does anyone know differently?

Personally, I use “Honey” a lot. I call those I care about Honey, or Sweetie and I’ve never had any push back or backlash from it.

I know to never use these terms of endearment with that particular woman. I never have, and with good reason, but now I KNOW to not ever do so.

I don’t know if her comment is fact based or if she’s just being her usually self.

I’ve been called sweetie, sweetheart, honey by Black women and never took offense to it.

Another thing that happened was the “no offense” woman’s granddaughter didn’t want to be offensive it seemed and described a white person SHE was talking about as “palm color.” She literally tapped her hand and said “she’s palm color” and the woman said, “ what? Palm color? White?”

Can anyone shed light on this?

It was a bit of a crazy evening. To say the least.

Your beau breaks up with you after 17 yrs. You tell his family and ask them to please watch out for him, as he isn’t in the BEST of health.

A week later, he says he made a mistake and doesn’t want to break up. Wants to get back together, pretty words, pretty words about how he needs to change and work on himself, to “be and do better.” You get back together.

Relationship is no better, hardly any to zero communication unless you text and or call him. He doesn’t want to or feel up to doing anything or go anywhere with you,

A month later, there’s a huge blow out. He leaves his house. Doesn’t say anything to you about anything. You discover on social media he’s a retirement party for his sister.

All you want is a little communication. Instead, he rips you a new one, via text, telling you some horrible things, how because you told his family he broke up with you, him telling you about the party/BBQ and you going with him was taken out of his hands. He tells you that “you always want mother fuckers to feel sorry for you and woe is me…” HUH? He spews a lot more crap.

WHAT? A REAL MAN would tell his family that he made a mistake and you’ve gotten back together and you’re going with him to family functions, just as you have for 17 years.

He sends “have a good day text” nearly every day last week. It’s a good start. He answers the phone when you call. Another good start.

Last night he tells you he’s going to help his sister bring her outside table that seats 8 to her apartment. Ok cool. Not thinking anything of it, but suddenly remember, it’s Labor Day weekend. BBQ. So while he’s honest about one thing, he did bring the table to her house, or wherever, you’re sure he’s there for the food too, again not being totally forthcoming with you and not telling his family that you guys got back together and not asking you to go with him.

I guess it’s just OUR dirty little secret.

#hurt #disappointed

I hope everyone has been good! My absence wasn’t because nothing was happening- there’s been some things that’s happening but right at the moment, I’m tired, so when I wake up later in the morning- I’ll write about it- also, I have to see where I left off on my posts!!

Take care and will write soon! Stay up, be well!!

P~ 💜

And Happy Birthday to my cousin🥳🎉🎂🎉🥳❤️! He is awesome, I just wish we lived closer together, I’m in CA and he and his family, is in Chicago.

I had to cancel my therapy appt on Friday. I was home sick. I actually came home sick. I was at the transportation yard at 6:30am as I’m supposed to be, and about 6:45am my tummy flipped and I felt , I, e in was going to be sick. I let dispatch know i was there but I was leaving, I let them know what buses I ride, and I flew home. While in the driveway, I put in my absence for work then I went into the house. After all was said and done, I slept most of the day, and of course couldn’t sleep at night. I think I fell asleep, more like forced myself to sleep about 3:30am and woke up again around 5am and my alarm was set to go off at 6am because I had a class to go to yesterday morning. When I got up and moving around, my sinus cavity was so stuffed, and still is as I write this. SPRING is definitely right around the corner! 🌹🌺💐🍃🌿🌱

Has anyone ever taken a Clifton Strength assessment? I don’t know if you can take it for free, but I took it for work and the result were so interesting and pretty spot on. https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths/en/252137/home.aspx

That was the class or Professional Workshop I had yesterday. Like I said, it was very interesting. Here were also raffles and I won a Canes gift bag with a lot of goodies in it!

Tomorrow marks 8 more days until Spring break, THANK GOD! I may not be doing anything, or going anywhere, but the mental break will be quite welcomed!!

I have to code for now to get ready for work, tomorrow so, until next time, have a great evening!

TTFN,

P~

Right now, as I’m writing this, I’m waiting for a call from a therapist. I’ve been in therapy before, especially right after my husband died, then off and on since then. I’ve decided to go back, especially now, due to work.

I no longer believe in the “see something, say something” mantra. For what? I’ve seen things and said things by reporting them to my boss and two days ago, I was the one that was removed from my position, while the one that I was reporting, is still in the position. I’m a permanent employee for behaviors and the other person is a sub for medical.

Not only that, but I have more seniority than the person they put in my place and she could very well do the job they put me in, but they gave her my position in the classroom. I have no problem with this girl and I told her that recently. I told her I have nothing against her. She’s a cool person. I have a problem with the person I was reporting on still being in that position and she’s a sub.

So let me get this straight. The “powers that be” call around and get a permanent male aide for my student, take my student away from me, and they don’t call around to get a permanent female to be the breaker/assistant, and they keep the sub aide in the class, and get rid of me. I asked, “when does a sub employee take precedent over a permanent employee?” I was told, “She’s medical.” I refuse to believe the powers that be, doesn’t see the irony of their statement.

Sounds like retaliation to me. There was no need to take me out of the class. As it is, students that have their 1-1’s have them, what about the rest of the students? Don’t they get someone to look over them, watch out for them? Or do they not matter?

I have so much more to say, I just need to formulate my thoughts.

Right now, I’m angry and hurt. While the powers that be try and make it all colorful, it really isn’t it. It was a dirty move, and I stand on that.

Until next time….

P~

My daughter and her boyfriend drove to OC to meet up with her siblings and their Aunt to pick up the TRUST papers.

Their Aunt made reservations at a restaurant and then after a few minutes chatting, said she had to go, she had a party to go to and a sporting event of her grand-daughters. Apparently she became a widow again in 2018 when her second husband passed away. She told the kids she’s dating someone but will never marry again. She’s 80 years old. The kids also learned her oldest daughter is a paralegal. I thought she was an attorney. I was close.

It also seems there was another lien on another house Anthony had when he was married to his older kids mother. They lived in Buena Park and there was a lien put on that house due to being in arrears of child support. When the house sold, his ex got a bulk of the money, as she should have. Funny how, at the Celebration of Life, their other aunt was telling the kids that their father always paid his child support. Really? Two houses, liens against both houses for non payment of child support tells a different story, wouldn’t you say?

My daughter’s sister is going to have one of her friends read over the papers they all received just to make sure it’s all on the up and up. My daughter feels something if off. I feel that since nothing is in their names, the TRUST is still responsible for the property tax and inheritance tax.

I told Sarah that I truly believe her fathers family members were unaware or had forgotten about the letter her uncle had sent me in mid 2000’s about the lien on her fathers house from the Dept of Child Support for non payment, where he mentioned the house was in the Trust and would go to the kids when their father dies.

Anyway, in these papers was a copy of her grandmothers death certificate as well as a copy of her father death certificate. Sarah had already received true death certificates of her father earlier last week.

The last page of the bulk she got was like notes her aunt added. It was dated today. It said that the Matriarch passed away in 1995. Her 5 kids inherited her TRUST. “Worked on trust in 1996 and 1997.” It states the Aunt was elected administrator on the TRUST however there’s no court papers stating this and the property tax bill my daughter and her siblings got in November 2023 state someone else is, the uncle that sent me the letter in the mid 2000’s. This last page goes on the state that the Aunt “did not collect any money working on the TRUST. Paperwork, phone calls, trips to bank, going up to Big Bear, meeting up with realtors, cleaning and painting the houses (with some help of Family). Rest of people on TRUST did very little to help. Just complain. Property tax and other expenses was paid out of (Aunts) checking account, then reimbursed from the TRUST. We also paid into inheritance tax from trust. So as you can see we did our share of payments.

So at present this property on ( address, city, state, zip code) is your responsibility now. We did not inherit it.”

All the above is in bold caps except this part: “ ASK: if children inherite property is it their responsibility to pay property tax. “ Still, nothing is shown with Sarah or her siblings name on anything.

The Aunt continues in bold caps: “ Hopefully Louise will be accommodated when the sale of the house is done. It is not our responsibility from now on.”

The aunt mentioned that she and her older sister paid for the cremation (of their brother) and that the youngest sister did not want to even though I asked her.

Her last sentence said “We paid and worked on the Celebration of Life for Anthony.”

Sarah told me this evening that one of the other aunts asked Sarah older sister for reimbursement for this “Celebration.” can you BELIEVE IT?

Anthony, their father, had nothing to do with his 3 children for 30 years. Why would they reimburse for this service? They were INVITED to the “Celebration” and it was a pot luck! WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL? The kids aren’t going to reimburse jack. The kids don’t even want his ashes and did not give one fuck when the aunt asked, “ we gave Louise his ashes, is that ok?”

Apparently at the end of the Celebration of Life service, a cousin had given Sarah’s brother a bag, saying “these were your dads, they may fit you.” It was unwashed, stinky clothing. Her brother was pissed and threw the bag away with the clothes as he feels they were the clothes their father died in. WHAT THE HELL was that cousin thinking??

I’m just aghast.

So my daughter and son attended her bio father’s Celebration of Life on 10/1/23. Apparently one of her Aunt’s believes I should have been there, and another Aunt spent her time telling my daughter and her two older siblings what a great dad their father was and how he paid his child support, and that at least I should have told my daughter that, she should know that. Well, SHE knows otherwise, to be honest. She knows about court dates, she even went to at least one just to be able to meet him. That didn’t happen, he didn’t show up. Frankly, I feel that wasn’t the time or place for that kind of conversation, so perhaps it was best I didn’t go.

Later on in the month, around 10/28/23, I took a screenshot of a letter an uncle sent me from back in December 2007 and sent it to Sarah via text. In this letter, the Uncle said that IF he understands correctly, I had put a hold on Anthony’s Trust account. He stated there was only about $2000 left and they had been paying the property taxes for his house with the money. He mentioned the house was being held in a trust until he dies at which time it reverts to his children. The Uncle said that if the property taxes aren’t paid, that Anthony as well as Sarah will lose the house. He wanted to assure me that the money had not and won’t be used for anything other than to pay those property taxes, and that Sarah will eventually benefit. He thanked me for continuing to send them pictures of Sarah, more than her father ever said. For reference, this Uncle was married to one of Anthony’s older sisters.

Sarah sent the screenshot to her sister asking for her and their brothers thought on it. She asked her sister if she felt they should be asking for a copy of the Trust. Her sister was surprised by this letter and the fact that there was a trust as she and her brother never knew about it.

LONG story short, from October 2023 to present, there’s been back and forth text messages and letters, Trustee claiming he’s not involved, to maybe this other uncle is or another aunt is, to the kids receiving a copy of the property tax bill from the other uncle sending it to the kids and telling them, “Your father’s mother left in trust the home where you father and (his girlfriend) lived. This Trust spelled out that upon your dad’s death that the home would go in equal shares to his three children. Do you have a copy of the trust and in case you don’t hopefully we can find our copy and sent it on to you.” He actually sent the property tax bill, showing the other Uncle as the trustee. This Uncle had the audacity to write, “I request that whatever you do with the property that you keep the well being of (the girlfriend) in mind. She loved your father. This year will be very difficult for her emotionally and financially.”

Um, the girlfriend has at least one adult child that could help her out, and more importantly, were was this “consideration” from THEIR FATHER towards them, the kids, over the past 30 years? He never made an attempt to see them. In fact, he blamed me for him losing contact with his two older children, and he accused me of keeping our daughter from him. Truth be told, he lost contact with his two older kids because I was no longer in the picture and their mother was not going to send them to the house anymore. She trusted me with her son, who would come for visitation, and I was gone. In January 2006 I called Anthony and told him about Keith passing away, and how it would be good if he came up to the plate to be there for his daughter. He was all agreeable, but never made an attempt to be there for her or see her, ever. The last time he saw her in person, was when she was 10 months old. At the time Keith died, Sarah was 12, and she was 30 when he died. HIS CHOICES. At the memorial service, Anthony’s girlfriend told Sarah that she recognized her from the pics he received and how she looks like him. That’s the only way I knew he got the pictures.

3 family members, the Trustee, the other Uncle and the Aunt were days away from getting a third letter from Sarah requesting a copy of the trust, this time saying the kids will file in Probate court and ask for attorneys fees and damages and other costs since the Trustee, whomever it is, is in breach of fiduciary duty.

Well, Saturday, yesterday, the kids got word from the Aunt that she has Trust papers and they are going to meet next week at a restaurant to pick them up. Well, THANK GOD FOR THAT! I feel bad for these kids, but at least this is a step in the right direction!

Will write more about this, later 😉

TTFN,

P~

 My daughter got home a few minutes ago with one of my favorite drinks from Starbucks, a venti Iced Chai latte with soy and Matcha cold foam. It’s DELICIOUS! 

As I was looking at some news online, this came up and I thought I would share. Do you know about “secret menu’s” at your favorite places to eat?

I realize I’m such a creature of habit, I like what I like at certain places.

What do you think?

https://www.msn.com/en-us/travel/tripideas/secret-menu-items-from-your-favorite-restaurants/ss-BB1itity?ocid=msedgntp&pc=U531&cvid=8263c32292c1410bb323dc33148299de&ei=36#image=9