My Thoughts and Feelings

I haven’t really spoken to the kids since Tuesday night. I HATE LIVING LIKE THIS! I hate walking on egg shells because (SS) may be in a bad mood! I told Keith that I cannot bring myself to “act happy” when I am CLEARLY and OBVIOUSLY am not. The kids accused me with A LOT of some stupid things that were not true and they would not listen to anything different. It was not fair. CLEALRY J has tainted their minds against Keith and I, and WHAT A BITCH for doing that! EVERYTHING they have said, J has said to us first. They are just parroting HER!

Keith took (SS), Sarah, Sarah’s friend Kaila, and Thomas to the pool for awhile. (SD) stayed here because she was not feeling well. Her stomach hurt. She came down to my room and asked if she could use the phone. To call her mom? I guess we will see when the phone bill comes.

Keith came back about 1.5 hours later. and told me that (SD) had thrown up. I told him she never said anything to me, that if she could come and ask me to use the phone, she could have told me that she wasn’t feeling well and I could have given her some sprite or something and bread or whatever kind of crackers we had, until I went to the store when Keith came back. After she threw up, though, Keith made her some lunch of fish sticks and she ate those! Was she really sick?

About 3 pm, I told the Keith that I wanted to speak to the kids, and tell them why I was not speaking to them, except when I had to. We all sat down and I apologized for not speaking to them for a day and a half or so, but I was and am very upset that they accused me of things that were not true and about things that they should know NOTHING about. I told them it makes NO sense that I am the cause of their mother’s impending divorce, and how can I be when I live 1500-1800 miles AWAY! How much sense does that make? I told them that when I asked (SS) if their Stepdad and their mother were divorced yet and he yelled at me that it is none of my business, I said, “That is RIGHT! It is none of my business, just like it is none of yours and CERTAINLY not your place to tell Sarah that he is NOT her brother since she is not aware of that.” He understood. I also told him that I knew it hurt him when I told said that their mom is on medication for something she told me about, but I did not make that up, that SHE called ME and told me and if they ever wanted to hear it, let me know and I will play the recording for them. I asked them how would I know this if she didn’t tell me? They had no answer.

I told them that for the last 6 years, all I have done was try and make them feel welcomed and comfortable and part of our family here. I thought things were going well, until Tuesday night. I asked if they meant what they said when they said they didn’t like me, Sarah, or Thomas and they BOTH said it was just something they said at the time. I asked them if there was anything they would change if they could when they are here, and the said no, that everything was fine. I asked if we were too happy for the, if we didn’t fight enough for them, if we asked too much of them, what? They both said that they wouldn’t change anything. I told them I miss talking to them, IN OUR HOME, and that when (SD) and I go somewhere, crazy things happen. She just chuckled.

We told that if there is ANYTHING that we do do that they do not like, let us know RIGHT AWAY so we can talk about it instead of having another episode like Tuesday night. We them that whatever they do or think, DOES concern Keith because he is their father and he loves the and wants to know what is going on with them. IF they do not tell him, we will never know. They said OK.

All in all, it was a good talk. I think we did well in speaking to them at least opened the lines of communication a little more. It is OBVIOUS by the things (SS) had said before about things being NONE of Keith’s concerns all stem from their mother.

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