~This Is My World~

I emailed the kids my niece’s information, her last name, and email to N & L.

I ended it with, “adios amigos, STAY FOCUSED ‘…we all dream a lot…some are lucky some are not, BUT if you think it, want it, dream it, then it is real… Patricia”

I haven’t really spoken to the kids since Tuesday night. I HATE LIVING LIKE THIS! I hate walking on egg shells because (SS) may be in a bad mood! I told Keith that I cannot bring myself to “act happy” when I am CLEARLY and OBVIOUSLY am not. The kids accused me with A LOT of some stupid things that were not true and they would not listen to anything different. It was not fair. CLEALRY J has tainted their minds against Keith and I, and WHAT A BITCH for doing that! EVERYTHING they have said, J has said to us first. They are just parroting HER!

Keith took (SS), Sarah, Sarah’s friend Kaila, and Thomas to the pool for awhile. (SD) stayed here because she was not feeling well. Her stomach hurt. She came down to my room and asked if she could use the phone. To call her mom? I guess we will see when the phone bill comes.

Keith came back about 1.5 hours later. and told me that (SD) had thrown up. I told him she never said anything to me, that if she could come and ask me to use the phone, she could have told me that she wasn’t feeling well and I could have given her some sprite or something and bread or whatever kind of crackers we had, until I went to the store when Keith came back. After she threw up, though, Keith made her some lunch of fish sticks and she ate those! Was she really sick?

About 3 pm, I told the Keith that I wanted to speak to the kids, and tell them why I was not speaking to them, except when I had to. We all sat down and I apologized for not speaking to them for a day and a half or so, but I was and am very upset that they accused me of things that were not true and about things that they should know NOTHING about. I told them it makes NO sense that I am the cause of their mother’s impending divorce, and how can I be when I live 1500-1800 miles AWAY! How much sense does that make? I told them that when I asked (SS) if their Stepdad and their mother were divorced yet and he yelled at me that it is none of my business, I said, “That is RIGHT! It is none of my business, just like it is none of yours and CERTAINLY not your place to tell Sarah that he is NOT her brother since she is not aware of that.” He understood. I also told him that I knew it hurt him when I told said that their mom is on medication for something she told me about, but I did not make that up, that SHE called ME and told me and if they ever wanted to hear it, let me know and I will play the recording for them. I asked them how would I know this if she didn’t tell me? They had no answer.

I told them that for the last 6 years, all I have done was try and make them feel welcomed and comfortable and part of our family here. I thought things were going well, until Tuesday night. I asked if they meant what they said when they said they didn’t like me, Sarah, or Thomas and they BOTH said it was just something they said at the time. I asked them if there was anything they would change if they could when they are here, and the said no, that everything was fine. I asked if we were too happy for the, if we didn’t fight enough for them, if we asked too much of them, what? They both said that they wouldn’t change anything. I told them I miss talking to them, IN OUR HOME, and that when (SD) and I go somewhere, crazy things happen. She just chuckled.

We told that if there is ANYTHING that we do do that they do not like, let us know RIGHT AWAY so we can talk about it instead of having another episode like Tuesday night. We them that whatever they do or think, DOES concern Keith because he is their father and he loves the and wants to know what is going on with them. IF they do not tell him, we will never know. They said OK.

All in all, it was a good talk. I think we did well in speaking to them at least opened the lines of communication a little more. It is OBVIOUS by the things (SS) had said before about things being NONE of Keith’s concerns all stem from their mother.

We called AMTRAK and made reservations for the kids to go to their grandmothers in San Diego. They had made up their minds last night, packed their stuff, and said they didn’t want to stay with us any longer. Keith told them about 10 am to make sure they had all their stuff packed because we were leaving at 1pm. They asked where we were going and he told them to the train station, they were going to their grandmothers.

Both kids told him they didn’t want to go, and they were sorry for what happened yesterday. (SS) said he knew that it wasn’t right for that he told Sarah what he did. Then they came to my room to apologize to me. I told them their apology was accepted and that they had NO IDEA what their dad had to go through just to be able to see them and how excited he is just before they get here and how depressed he is when they leave.

Around noon, their mother called. Keith answered. He gave the phone to his daughter first. Apparently the ex asked to speak to Keith, who ended up hanging up on her AGAIN. She threatened with court again. He told her he got the argument straightened out with the kids and he doesn’t need to talk to her about anything. She said,

J- Oh, we’ll out that down in court papers!

K-Oh, put it all on there, J, and bring it on! I’m looking forward to it, believe me, you ought to think twice!

J- After last night you’re gonna lose, BUD…

K- you ought to think twice about it- oh don’t give me that BUD stuff.

J- after last night…

K- hung up.

She immediately called back, Keith answered and she asked to speak to their son.

Keith had told me what kind of medicine his son had been given yesterday, before a procedure, to relax him. Makes sense now.

His son went to the doctor’s at his mothers request, while he was here. Later in the evening, Keith and his son had it out, and then his daughter got involved, then I got involved. The kids were accusing me of being the cause of their mom’s problem, the cause of her divorce from her second husband, etc. I told them that they were just parroting what their mother has told them and they said no. They said they didn’t want to be here with their dad and me and Sarah and Thomas. They just wanted their dad. They wanted to leave and were packing their bags so we called their Grandma in San Diego, but she wasn’t home. I called their mother and told her that she needed to come down and get her kids or make arrangements to have them picked up. She became belligerent, so I handed the phone to her son. She talked to both kids and then to Keith “They (the kids) have every right to say that Sarah is NOT their sister!” and he ended up hanging up on her. She called back and talked to the kids again. She had her daughter pass on a message to us. Her daughter said, while her mother was on the phone, “If my mom has to come down here, you’ll be VERY, VERY sorry!” After they hung up, the kids continued packing their stuff, saying they didn’t want to stay.

Nobody went anywhere, except to bed.

It all started because (SS) told Sarah that he is NOT her brother. She’s 7 and doesn’t quite grasp the step sibling thing. She doesn’t realize that he isn’t her real brother, like Thomas. She knows that Keith is their dad, so (SS) is her brother. She understands that they have different mothers. (SS) also has had a VERY bad attitude and Keith was tired of it. He also could have had a reaction to pain medicine the doc had given him earlier in the day.

emailed this to J- at 12:04 pm-

“Hello J-

Keith asked me to do him a favor and call DMV this morning. Here is what I was told.

N needs to show proof of drivers edu. from WA that allowed him to get his permit there.

He cannot have 2 permits or 2 licenses for 2 different states.

He has to have a permit in CA for 6 months (showing residence) before he can be eligible to test for his license, OR he can wait until he is 18.

It would be better to go through this whole process in WA since he has already started it there and then if he decides to move to CA he can get his license converted to a CA license by taking the written test.

Just wanted you to know.

Patricia”

in this email the ex wrote Keith, “First of all the e-mails are addressed to Richard not anyone else….” A few sentences later, she writes, “Keep your personal comments to yourself . And tell your wife to do so too.” HA! The ex was emailing about their son driving and college. How did I get involved? LOL She wants Keith to help their son get his permit here in CA even though he lives in WA and taking college courses in high school. The kids are supposed to be here in a few days.

she tells Keith that “part time of full time parenting is no different” that his responsibility to the kids is the same and that continuing with their education while they are with him and supporting their activities remains the same whether they are in WA or CA. she tells him, “don’t let the kids sit home everyday doing nothing, learning nothing, help them out with their lives and the choices they make.” Well, he can talk to the kids about their lives and their choices, but getting them into summer school here and getting their permit here is really not possible since their primary residence is NOT this state. Why doesn’t she understand that?

EOB that was sent 5-17 was delivered today at 2:38pm.

Received an EOB yesterday 5-16, and mailed it off to J today at 09:16am.

Ex responded to Keith’s email of 4/30/00. Lots of BS, no surprise, but one thing she did say was “I can tell you recorded my conversation which is very illegal and can’t be used against me. My conversation with you is between me and you. Not for your wife’s ears. Yes we share legal custody and that doesn’t mean that the kids aren’t allowed to see my family. Regardless of your feelings I still have a right to spend my time and their time as I see fit.”

Actually, here are the facts:

1. due to the harassment during the Summer of 1995, with the ex placing 2 false police report calls to our local law enforcement, we were instructed to write the ex a letter advising her that any and all conversations between the 4 adults from then on out would be recorded. the first report was telling the Watch Sargent that Keith had taken the kids out of the county of San Diego and was holding them against their will. The second report was when an Sheriff had placed a call to the ex. The Deputy did. She called the ex, told her she was there at the house, the kids were fine and happy and if there was any kind of emergency, their father would call her, so what was the problem? I asked the Deputy what happened and she said, “she hung up on me.” The ex hung up on the Deputy and immediately called the same Watch Sargent again, accusing the deputy of being rude and hang up on her. SO NOT the case.
2. So, ex has known since the summer of 1995 that HER and her husbands calls placed to our home would be recorded. Just them, not the kids, just the adults, AND she continued with the calls.

On April 25th, the ex had sent Keith a letter regarding “past due child support” and “past due uncovered medical expenses” and other bullshit. At one point in time, she had even called Keith to ask him what grade he would give her as a Parent. He gave her a C+ with reservation. She called 4/25/00 at 7:36pm.

He told her that for several years now, according to her emails and letters, the kids have been told BY HER that he “does not care about them, he does not love them, he doesn’t not care to help them out with anything that WHATEVER and ANYTHING they experience or feel or go through does NOT concern” him and now most recently, she told them that he “didn’t need them around him (during times of sorrow) for comfort.”

He went on to say that according to her letters and emails she has “exposed and discussed with (son) and (daughter) the problems we have between us and have blamed innocent people for these problems and in the process, tainted my relationship with the kids.” He wanted her to explain to him HOW, but telling the kids these things over and over again to the point of them ACTUALLY vocalizing these degrading and untrue comments about him, is in their best interest? How are they expected to open up to him about ANYTHING they may have questions or concerns about when all they are told is that “it doesn’t concern him” their dad. He asked “How do you think it makes me feel, or them, when they find out (eventually and if they do not already know) that you offered your husband to ADOPT my kids as his ow and take them away from me? How do you think it will make them feel, if they do not know already, that you “HATE ME, and you HATE ME MORE AND MORE everyday?”

At one point the ex brought up her sister and her sisters kids. According to the ex, they aren’t very good examples for HER kids. One smokes weed at 14 and one, at 12 has ” has been in several fights and has done the whole juvenile hall thing.” She told Keith “and don’t underestimate your son smoking dope.” The ex said that since it was her family (sister, niece and nephew) she will take care of the situation “to the point of turning (her niece) in to the authorities and letting them handle it. Keith said, “but yet, when I express my concern to you and tell you that if your 14 year old niece offers my kids to “get stoned” (your phrase) I will drive down to El Cajon and make the phone call myself, you accuse me of being narrow minded and tell me I have NO RIGHT to tell anyone else’s kids what to do even thought it will affect (his son) and (his daughter,)” She said if it ever came down to it, she would turn in her niece, but it really isn’t her nieces fault, it’s her mothers.

She also told Keith that she’s getting the distinct impression that Keith thinks she, the ex, “doesn’t do a good job as a parent, hasn’t done a good job, that she’s a failing parent and she’s somehow inadequate at it.” Keith asked her if she was baiting him.

She went on to blame me for their issues and that he let things get out of hand. He asked concerning what and she said, “I’m not saying concerning anything, I didn’t call to argue with you. I called to find out what you thought as far as me being an adequate parent. She continued,

J- you know I called the other night to talk to you and the blatant disregard, she never asked. She never asked if everything was ok, if the kids were ok, nothing.

K- uh, what?

J- she never asked

K- well now when what?

J- when I called

K- I don’t remember talking to you

J- you didn’t.

K- that’s right

J- exactly

K- so what?

J- I called and your wife answered the phone, and she said that I cannot talk to you, she never asked.

K- we were busy, I don’t remember you ever saying anything was wrong.

J- well, nobody asked,

K- oh so now we have to ask? When you call?

J- you know what? I don’t have to talk to her about (SS and SD). I don’t have to talk to her, I don’t have to talk….

K- look, look, look, are you warming up to something here or what?

J- No, I don’t have to talk to her about (SS and SD), you are their father, I can talk to you, I can deal with you, I don’t need to deal with Patricia, there’s no reason for me to deal with her at all.

K- and?

J- there’s no reason, so when I called and asked to speak to you, I really wanted to speak to you, and she said you were busy, whatever, fine, but you never call back.

K- that’s right, because we were out late.

J- ok, well, it’s a week now

K- excuse me?

J- It’s been a week now

K- a week now what?

J- since I called

K- so, what’s the problem? I mean, I call the kids all the time, when I do call, they never call me, so what’s, what’s the problem? You call me once and I’m supposed to call you right back and if I don’t, what? What’s the deal?

J- there’s no deal

K- that’s right, there is no deal.

J- it’s all about pettiness and you let it get out of hand

K- excuse me?

J- It’s all about Pettiness and you let it get out of hand.

K- HEY look, don’t even start

J- start what?

K- you said, you said..OOOH oh, “don’t start what?” you start throwing these little barbs at me and go, “don’t start what?” you know, is this conversation over?

J- yeah,

K- alright,

J- hung up.